We Go To Counselling When Our Life Is Falling Apart Right?
A Naturopathic Doctor's Thoughts On the Importance of Counselling.
Dr. Pamela Thornton, B.Sc., ND
To be human is a guarantee that you run a constant narrative through your mind all day every day and only during the day if you are lucky enough to not run this narrative throughout the night when you are supposed to be sleeping.
The one thing that distinguishes human beings from all other species is our enormous and highly developed prefrontal cortex that gives rise to our complex ability to plan, organize, express our personality, make decisions and moderate our social behavior. It is the birthplace of our ego or our sense of self. It is a master storyteller and when information is not available to us, we use our prefrontal cortex to fill in the details. We are terrible at not knowing all of the information and lightening fast at making those details up. We love a good story.
If my dog understood english and I told him that I had just poured him some kibble in the other room, his answer would be “show me the kibble”. He wouldn’t believe my story. He doesn’t have a highly developed prefrontal cortex. If a squirrel runs across the road narrowly missing the screeching tires of a car, he doesn’t sit on the other side running the different scenarios through his head of how he should do it differently the next time. He just runs back across the street. He doesn’t have a highly developed prefrontal cortex. He doesn’t think about it again. If I tell my girlfriend I heard people gossiping about her, she would believe me wholeheartedly without a scrap of evidence. She would immediately form an entire defensive attack in her head in a matter of seconds based on a story alone. We are great storytellers. We bond and make human connections based on our stories.
That narrative that runs through your mind on repeat day in and day out is simply that. A story. It’s the mental gymnastics we have created about our job, our relationships, our bodies, our future and everything in between. We have grown so intimately attached to our stories that we no longer question their truth nor their relevance in our lives. It is a story we developed through the lens of our past, our society, our caregivers and our experiences but nonetheless, it is a story. Why is it that several witnesses of any situation will retell the scenario differently? It is all their version of the story viewed through the lens they have developed through their own personal experiences. Meditation is the art of escaping this narrative if only for a few moments. Counselling is the art of untangling the narrative to free yourself of our many painful and anxiety producing thoughts.
When two humans join together in any type of relationship, they do so story to story. As deeply as we love another human, we can never fully understand the depth and meaning of their story and we can certainly not change another’s story despite the valiant effort many of us embark upon to do just that. Counsellors are highly trained specialists in untangling your narrative. We have become so entangled in our narrative that we often don’t even know it anymore until it is gently teased out by someone specially trained to help you find and understand it. Our friends may make great listeners but are put in awkward positions when our stories do not seem accurate or appear harmful but will typically stand in our defense to preserve the relationship. Tough vulnerable conversations are exactly what counsellors are highly skilled at. Our friends make excellent friends.
We seek coaching in many different areas of our lives. We seek nutritional coaching. We seek coaching on pregnancy and birth. Every type of athlete has an experienced coach. We take lessons to develop every new skill from driving to cooking or photography. We seek advice on our health from a vast array of health professionals on issues ranging from nail fungus to cancer.
What makes us believe that we can navigate being human in a sea of mental gymnastics seeking peace in complex life decisions, parenting or relationships without a coach? My answer is that we simply should not. Seeking help from a professional counsellor is the opposite of weak. It is the single most important thing you can do for yourself, your relationships, your children and your journey to adulthood.
Our tightly held Western myth that we should only seek professional counselling when we are falling apart is a limiting belief preventing all of us who hold it from meeting our full potential. It is my wish that everyone would align themselves with a trusted counsellor or coach and float in and out of care throughout their lifetime. Once we learn to shine light on our narrative, we can begin to heal on a very profound level and the effects of that change will benefit everyone around us for the rest of our lives. Although counselling is wonderful at supporting someone in the midst of crisis, preventing our lives from falling apart is the utmost goal. I promise you that you will not regret it.
You can read about our counselling team and services here. For more information on what counselling is or to speak to one of our counsellors, please feel free to contact us at hello@thewombwoodstock.ca
