WOM(B)EN: Dr. Pamela Thornton
Name: Dr. Pam
Age: 50
Mother of 3
Elliot (17), Sophie (15) and Emma (12)
Profession: ND
Path to Pregnancy
There were few things I was as certain about in life as my desire to me a mother. I was the last of my siblings to even think about trying for pregnancy and I had witnessed both my sister and sister-in-law struggle desperately to achieve this goal. For my sister, the journey was 5 years long and involved every intervention you can imagine before giving birth to three miraculous yet premature triplet girls in 1996. I hadn’t realized how deeply I had embedded my sister’s grief into my psyche until I was married in 2002 and practically tied my husband down for fear of waiting much longer. I had attended 8 years of university so I was already “behind” in my fertility traumatized mind. There was no time to waste.
We were blessed to achieve pregnancy relatively easily and felt elated with the success for a few short days before the vomiting began. How could this happen to me? How had all of my naturopathic knowledge and preparation not prepared me to turn green and run to the bathroom endlessly for 16 weeks? It was a twist I could not have prepared myself for and it made maintaining a full-time naturopathic practise a daunting and tedious project. I would go on to become pregnant two more times to the amazement of my family and friends who had watched me suffer on my knees with nausea all three times. Sheer momma grit and determination to fulfill my lifetime dream and in the end, a small price to pay.
Birth Experience
Looking back on my births, I truly believe some higher power was trying to prepare me for my work with The WOMB ensuring that I checked every experience off of my list in order to be fully compassionate to women. My first birth was of course, planned as a glorious home birth in a warm bath surrounded by candles as the angels sang. Not even close to the scene that played out. I was 8 days overdue, enormous, uncomfortable and fast loosing confidence in my body. Labour came on early in the morning fast and furious. My midwife was close and the decision to transfer to the hospital slid past me like a migrating bird. My water broke and washed out both pressure and meconium and the drama began. My beautiful 9 lb 4 ounce baby boy arrived in less than 4 hours and was whisked away from me to the NICU for assessment. As if that hadn’t been enough drama, my placenta would not deliver. Before I had heard anything about the state of my baby, I was signing a consent for a possible hysterectomy surrounded by a team of medical strangers who had taken over my care and being rushed off to surgery. My midwife came with me, my weeping husband went with his new son and my mom was left in a stream of tears alone in a hospital room that had just minutes before, been a bustle of madness. It would be several hours before mom and babe would reunite in an embrace that I had no intention of letting go of ever again. My journey to breastfeeding was first learning how to hold my son and not get our two IV lines tangled together. Not the home birth I had dreamed of.
My second birth was surely not going to go like that. There would be more candles and more angels singing. Again my plans were met with scowling medical faces as they informed me of my daughters breech position. I walked away arrogantly informing them I would get this little one to turn. If you have EVER heard of a trick to turn a breech, I can assure you I tried. I tried everything short of bungee jumping off of the CN tower. Alas, at 38 weeks gestation, my 7 lb 2 ounce baby girl was “surgically removed” from my body. It felt like a total failure at the time but in the following years I would come to believe that my little girl knew I was not healed from the trauma of her brother’s birth and she would provide me with a peaceful and “controlled” entry. I am eternally grateful to her for that.
“A third baby….really?” Asked everyone who had walked this journey with me. I knew in my heart there was one more so I armoured up and got the candles back out. I would be 38 years old within a few weeks of this birth so this made me a “geriatiric mom”. Really? That’s a thing? Why yes it was and now it was me and my midwife had to work very hard to hold her poker face when I suggested a home birth. I was a geriatric VBAC with a history of placenta accreta. I can see the humour now. Emma Maeve would arrive under the harvest moon in less that three hours of labour and a fast trip to London hospital via a beautiful and natural birth into the hands of my midwife. It was exhilarating and emotional and we all wept for many days. I finally was able to rejoice in a birth and able to get up and walk too. What a miracle it was to me.
Parenting Joys - Past, Present, Future
Past - Watching every little developmental milestone that formed my little humans into the people they are today
Present - Seeing the birth of the passions and personalities of three entirely different little grownups. Watching their sense of humour mature and the deep guttural laughter that comes out of my children brings me to my knees. There is no greater joy on earth.
Future - I cannot explain the gratitude in my heart watching my children shine. Pride is an emotion so enormous I sometimes think my chest will explode. I am so excited to watch them walk into their own lives and shine their heart lights on the world.
Parenting Struggles - Past, Present, Future
Past - My parenting experience was 3 children in 5 years. The exhaustion stacked on the exhaustion and the business blurred my view of the miracles before me. I wish someone had told me then to be as compassionate to myself as I was to my children. If I could do it again, I would be much more a human being and much less a human doing.
Present - Currently I am carrying a great deal of grief as I am watching a global pandemic strip everything that matters away from my children. Their family and friend connections, their sports, their education, their graduations and their faith in the future. Carrying your own pain is no match for carrying the pain of your children.
Future - I have enormous faith in the future of all of our children. They are wiser, they are kinder and they respect the environment in a way our generation failed miserably with. I struggle with the mess we have left this generation to fix.
What is one thing you said you’d never do as a parent before you were a parent?
I think I would have said that I would never let my children get over programmed and we would always have family meals. This sage wisdom had never looked in the eyes of a child whose passion burned like an inferno for a sport that would disrupt almost every family meal...lol.
How have you managed to work self care into your routine?
In a way I am blessed here because I have had to practice what I preach. I work my schedule around my children’s but also always factor in at least a few minutes a day for meditation or exercise or maybe just to rest.
What are you looking forward to most when the pandemic ends?
Hugs!!!! Lots and lots of hugs!
When we can travel again where will you go?
My children remember our trip to the Canadian Rocky’s with great joy. As soon as we are able, I am taking them back.
3 Best Parenting Resources
Aviva Romm, MD everything she writes.
Leonard Sax, MD, PhD, The Collapse of Parenting
Mommy Intuition
Parenting Tip: Never say Never
If you would like to share your story, email us: hello@thewombwoodstock.ca